Rules for Cats

Neil McHenryNeil McHenry LiverpoolMember Posts: 3
edited 12 August, 2005 in Behavior & Training
Meow pussycats .. here are some rules I\'ve found to be quite useful ~ BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare. DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an \"outside\" door opened,stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good.When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is aslong as a human bare foot. HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called \"helping,\"otherwise known as \"hampering.\" Following are the rules for \"hampering:\"1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook.You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book,unless you can lie across the book itself.3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.4) For people paying bills or working on income taxes or Christmas cards,keep in mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on.When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils,and erasers off the table, one at a time.5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.6) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human\'s lap across arms, hampering typing in progress. WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms,in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills. BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around. LITTER BOX: When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes. HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you.Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat. ONE LAST THOUGHT: Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around,and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often … And don\'t forget guests.

Comments

  • Rabeka IvieRabeka Ivie Sky ValleyMember Posts: 186
    edited 27 February, 2006
    *hh hhhh hhhhhh* Ooo that's funny! Mom was reading over our shoulders and said she's seen it before and almost soiled herself laughing. But I think that's a myth.
  • MARY HEFFERNANMARY HEFFERNAN Valley of The MoonMember Posts: 13,688
    edited 27 February, 2006
    wunnerful, wunnerful!!! WE are going to copy this and keep it somewhere secret so we don't forget Any Rule! --the fiends
  • April BennettApril Bennett Terre HauteMember Posts: 97
    edited 27 February, 2006
    I already do ALL of those! I\'m an expert at it. For the bathroom one, I don\'t just go in, I have to climb up on the back side of the toilet and observe very closely. And I LOVE to help Mom with all of her paperwork and typing. Hehehe!
  • Cyndi HorstmanshofCyndi Horstmanshof Spring HillMember Posts: 14,041 ✭✭
    edited 27 February, 2006
    We LOVE this and are all going to try all of these rules. Our humans are going to be thrilled! Oh boy, Oh boy!!! Thanks! Gysmo
  • Tina MillicanTina Millican Pell CityMember Posts: 12,008
    edited 27 February, 2006
    I am a seasoned pro at helping Mom read. She loves it when I sleep on her book! And standing in front of the book is okay too- but on top of the book is best! She gets such joy from moving me over and over again! And she also enjoys it when I sleep across her arms when she is on the computer. Mommy just loves it when I help her!
  • Diana MertensDiana Mertens Warner RobinsMember Posts: 5,435 ✭✭
    edited 27 February, 2006
    And, if you ever fortunate enough that your Mommy must send out wedding invitations, be sure to chew the corners real good :)
  • Lina ZúñigaLina Zúñiga LimaMember Posts: 12
    edited 27 February, 2006
    bah... a few of this rules cant be applied to everyone, take for example my mom... she is a wormbook so to speak, I discovered that a few months ago, when in a entire day she where a little bussy trying to get everything she need into the living, a blanket, a huge book, pillows... when she got ready she lay in the couch to sleepl... or at least that what I though... and I come jumping into her chest and geting ready to nap with her there, but there comes the book, a huge book and she started to read! I didnt know how she did it but I didnt get all the attention I was looking for... so I left and saw that my mommy wouldnt notice that I leave... so I decide to stay with her wherever she was doing, and for entire 8 hours she read and read shifting positions with me in her chest, lap, legs, head, everywhere without being anoyed.. she even wake me up a few times when she got excited in some parts of the book... I looked at her narrowly and she appologiezed to me to be so loudy... anyway that part of trying to stop reading doesnt work for her... and typing... well that either... she can be with one arm around me in her lap and the other typing and moving that black thing in the desk... sometimes I climb above the monitor and above the computer module and she only says that I'll be hurt if I made a wrong move.. wich is true, almost crash a picture frame... after that I definitly dont bother her a lot, only be by her side in the desk leaving her a little space to move that black thing.... but dad... hehehe he is more prone to be annoyed with his laptop... last time I turn it off since he didnt pay me attention :D he laugh about it... lucky he wasnt working .... somethings work some dont... I will try another more... :D thnks for the rules
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