How can I comfort Frank after his sister died yesterday....

Marianne JervisMarianne Jervis Member Posts: 11
edited 20 January, 2010 in Cat Health
Hi everyone, I am posting this because I am absolutely so so devastated at losing my baby girl yesterday that I don't know what to do, or how to help her brother Frank. We got them in August from the same litter, they were both became very poorly and we were told they were older than they were. Frank ended up on a drip for a week and was touch and go but he managed to pull and fight through. I have never had cats before, but now I could never live without them and don't know how I will without Bellaboodle as she always slept on my shoulder, would put a paw on my leg or arm when we watched tv and really, really completed our family. They both went in to get "The Snip" on tuesday, were fine apart from a big groggy on tues eve and weds they started to nibble a bit at food and slowly come round. Then on thursday she took a turn for the worst and she had to use her whole body to breath, really unlike her and was so removed from us. We took her to the vets who said her glands were up, she was teething and maybe it was a little infection so gave her an anti-inflam shot and an strong antibiotic shot. That night she didn't come and sleep with me, so I woke up at 5 and found her in a ball freezing and really struggling to breath, panting. After a chest x-ray and bloods and various tests they told us it wasn't FIP but cancer on her lungs in front of her heart. I held her little body whilst they put her to sleep and feel part of me died too. It all happened so so fast an in literally 24hours. Since being home I have been inconsolable. Never have I been so upset. We buried her the same day and I left a note with her telling her how beautiful she was, and how loving and that I'll never ever forget my baby girl, thinking that may help me deal with it a bit more but I'm still a mess. I really have tried to be strong for Frank, who can smell her on my clothes and in the cat box. I know he'll pick up our upset so have really really tried to play with him and be "normal" I'm worried about him because he has literally gone mental. He was crying for her all night, sniffing everything frantically and generally been really really distressed. Running from room to room at a million miles an hour- like they used to do when they were play fighting. But she isn't there to chase him. Has this happened to anyone else? Does anything make it easier? Thank you for any advice.

Comments

  • Jennifer HearinJennifer Hearin Member Posts: 1,939
    edited 16 January, 2010
    Oh, I\'m so sorry for your loss of your little girl. |:| All I can say is just love Frank. Maybe \"explain\" what happened -- it may sound weird, but I think cats may pick up on things from us. When the time is right maybe you can find him another sibling. Hugs and purrs |:|
  • Ellie CarterEllie Carter SeattleMember Posts: 2,252
    edited 16 January, 2010
    Yes, we have been through a similar thing. Cats definitely go through a grieving process too. I agree with what the other poster said, spend lots of time with Frank and play with him. Talk to him. It may help to do a really thorough cleaning of the litter box. It takes longer for some cats than others to get over a loss of a friend. It took my Cleo at least two weeks before she would stop crying for her sister. It broke my heart to hear her. I do think it helped Cleo that I had Sebastian at the time, even though he was much younger and a pest (he still is, MOL). I also agree that when the time is right for you, maybe consider adopting another cat. If you go that way, make the introductions slowly. Try to find one around the same age if you can. I am truly sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a friend :(
  • Faye DufourFaye Dufour Destrehan, LA/New Orleans areaMember Posts: 4,648
    edited 16 January, 2010
    I understand how you feel, especially loosing a kitten so young. What might help Frank also is getting some Feliway....it comes in both a plug in and also drops to put in a cats water bowl. Cuddle with Frank, pet him and share your grief with him, he needs to be near you. It is natural to grieve, and everyone on CATSTER understands how you feel. When you feel up to it, visit your local shelter and give another kitten a chance at a loving , forever home. You are not "replacing" Frank's sister, but saving the life of another kitten. I lost four cats all at once in Hurricane Katrina, three of them were littermates and only four months old. I now have another furry family that has helped me to heal. Hugs and Purrs, The New Orleans Kitties
  • kristina bkristina b Member Posts: 169
    edited 16 January, 2010
    I buried Suli today and your sad letter makes me cry again. I'm so sorry for your loss; she was my 7th cat to die; and it hasn't gotten easier. Give Frank as much love and attention as you can, and talk to him about how wonderful and special both he & his sister are. Spend time with him too to play with him. My condolences to you and Frank.
  • Sally WaldronSally Waldron Member Posts: 1,255 ✭✭
    edited 16 January, 2010
    I am so sorry for your loss. Frank will have to go through his own grieving process, as you will also, but you can both grieve together. Spend as much time as you can with him, cuddle him, play with him and talk to him. It will help you and him both get through this. I know when my Fuzzy passed I was inconsolable and I would look over at my husband sitting with Macy and it hurt so bad because Fuzzy was my fat baby. He would follow me everywhere and had to be at my side constantly. I felt like a part of me was missing. I may have rushed it a bit but three weeks later I was on the shelter site and this little ball of fur caught my eye, he reminded me so much of Fuzzy that I went down the next day and adopted him and now Sonny is a wonderful addition to our family, even though when I think of Fuz I still shed a tear. So give yourself and Frank time to grieve, and when the time is right another ball of love will catch your eye and you will take the chance again, I am a firm believer that we don't pick our babies, they pick us.
  • Marianne JervisMarianne Jervis Member Posts: 11
    edited 17 January, 2010
    Thank you all so much for your posts, experiences and advice. He is calming down a little but his eyes keep asking me what is going on. Poor Suli and Fuzzy. I know exactly how it feels, as Boodle followed me everywhere and Frank only sits on my other half (maybe because my legs aren't long enough!) but he is definitely a Daddys boy and like with Macy- it breaks my heart not to have my gorgeous baby girl on my knee when Frank settles for a second. He used to eat everything and anything but unless I sit with him next to his bowl he won't even touch anything? Maybe thats because food time isn't a competition anymore? I'm not sure?? I'm going to keep sitting there though. Bless little boodles heart. You are so right about cats finding you though, the vet said that they probably wouldn't have made it had we not taken them in and to the vets (we responded to an advert that jumped out on my birthday randomly ) we were told that their original owners needed to get rid of them asap as building work was happening in their house and that they were old enough to go - around 9ish weeks but fully weaned. The vet told us they couldn't be over 5 weeks. We had the same lovely vet all the way through her little life and she even cried in her last few moments with us all- which I think does say something My heart goes out to everyone that has suffered a loss , and thank you all again for any advice. xxx
  • Annalisa Conserti-JonesAnnalisa Conserti-Jones Member Posts: 5,234
    edited 17 January, 2010
    Well Frank, I think most vets do love animals a whole lot. It's just that running a business gets in the way a lot of time (the reality of it is, if a vet doesn't make enough to keep their office open, they can't help ANY pets). I'm willing to bet she was crying because she probably wished she could have been able to do more, even though there wasn't anything in her power to do for your little one. :(
  • Karen ParsonsKaren Parsons GriffithMember Posts: 821
    edited 17 January, 2010
    I grieved for Ava, it got so bad I went to the Vet 3 times and ended up on a mild anti anxiety med. It helped almost right away...I was only on it for 3 weeks...Minka arrived during week 2, and as soon as I bonded with her, I went off of it. Ava was with me every minute for the 2 years I was lucky enough to love her...I just couldn't figure out where she went. Even Arli was depressed for about a week, but it was harder on me because we were always together. Time will make you better...I'm so sorry this happened.
  • Cyndi WardCyndi Ward Fremont Newaygo County MI formMember Posts: 22
    edited 17 January, 2010
    I'm so sorry for all that have lost their beloved cats. It's been years since I've gone through that, but it doesn't take long to remember the pain. I know Etnie is a social eater, always bugging me to sit withand pet him while he eats (sistercat, Callie Mia, is a solo eater). My guess is Frank will bond with you as you help him with his grief, cats understand so much more than you would expect. When the time is right, I agree that bringing a new family member in will help you all heal a bit. They say males aren't very nurturing, but Et basically raised Callie...wouldn't even play or eat until she was done til this year. Maybe when the time is right, Frank will find the same satisfaction bringing in a new baby or other adoptee. I've heard positive things about that spray as well. Our hearts go out to you as well, please be sure to take care of your emotional needs during this difficult time...nurture yourself as you are so willing to do for Frank, ok?
  • kristina bkristina b Member Posts: 169
    edited 17 January, 2010
    Hi Frank - I was thinking of you today. How are you and your Mom doing?
  • Heide LevineHeide Levine Member Posts: 313
    edited 19 January, 2010
    Monkey lost his bro-fur on Dec 9th and he still looks over his food area to where Bear used to eat making sure Bear is eating... He still meow/yowls at nothing, but he's happy and quite healthy. We cleaned Bear's scent up after about 2 weeks. We washed the carpets, washed the furniture and so on... it helped us too. But for Monkey it was important. It seemed to help him realize that Bear was no longer here. It's never easy to say goodbye, but you couldn't have done a more selfless thing then to stop her suffering. |/a/| Please know that Frank just needs time and extra attention... distracting him with play may help when he's yowling for her, but be careful you don't teach him to yowl for play LoL You are very correct that mourning for her has an affect on Frank. When you're upset then he's going to be frantic too... Even when you pretend to be "normal"? Remember Frank can smell and feel your saddness (they are predators by nature)... so you're really not hiding it from him... That doesn't mean you can't be sad, just that Frank isn't fooled by a smiley face... Time heals the wounds as you remember fondly and not mournfully. |:| Good Luck To You, and I hope someday soon you'll feel strong enough to rescue a new kitty :c9
  • Marianne JervisMarianne Jervis Member Posts: 11
    edited 19 January, 2010
    I'm doing much better thank you. Mummy sits with me at food times now and tries her best to play with me even though I do really want to properly play fight like I used to do with my sister. I miss her most at night but am slowly coming round to her being gone.I still get worried in the night times and call for Bellaboo, I've started to scooch a little closer to mummy when she is sleeping, I think I'm beginning to like cuddles and I know she likes this too. Mummy is very proud of me and has told me all about how brave Bellaboodle was and how brave I am being.We're taking each day as it comes. Mummy has visited her grave and planted some tulips that'll come out around our birthday - june. Thank you to everyone that has helped mummy on Catster. She isn't crying as much and I know you've all helped her. Meowxx
  • Annalisa Conserti-JonesAnnalisa Conserti-Jones Member Posts: 5,234
    edited 19 January, 2010
    Dear Frank's mom, Frank is pretty young, so I know why he misses BellaBoo most at night. He probably misses being able to play with her. At his age, he likely has a lot of energy, so it is good you are playing with him more for the time being. I know you are both a little raw about BellaBoo's death, but hopefully sometimes soon you might be ready to consider getting a companion for Frank, so he would feel less lonely (mom had me as an only cat for over a year, and as it turned out, I like having another cat around better). The new kitten wouldn't replace BellaBoo in either of your hearts, but s/he would probably provide you with new happy memories.
  • Tain RoseTain Rose Member Posts: 978
    edited 20 January, 2010
    aww :(( i\'m sorry frank! when me and my brother were about 7 weeks old, my brother went into kidney failure (or was it liver.. moma forgets!) and died. then my kitty moma got ran over in october.. me and moma know how it feels. we hope that you and your mommy feel better soon! us kitties gotta stay strong. |:|
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