Got Kitten ONLY for 1 year old cat, not sure how I feel... HELP!

Sarah RawleeSarah Rawlee Member Posts: 7
edited 21 February, 2012 in Choosing the Right Cat
I have a beautiful Birman kitten, Sasha, who turns one next month. I'm a RN so I work 3 12-hour shifts a week, then usually am out for 6 hours max a day on my days off. Sasha is my BABY. I will do anything for that cat. She's waiting at the door when I come home, she licks my face after my alarm goes off in the morning, she's waiting outside the shower for me, etc. Well, I recently started thinking she was lonely because she'll have bouts of craziness where she races around the house, or misbehaves like bites my ankles to play or I come home to destroyed toilet paper rolls. She's a bit of a diva. On the advice of several breeders, I got a very "easy going" male ragdoll kitten to keep her company. It's been 5 days and I still have a pit in my stomach. The new kitten is nothing short of sweet, but I'm having major buyers remorse. I just don't want another cat. I love Sasha, I can't imagine loving this one as much. My now ex boyfriend got a kitten while we were together, and I never bonded with that kitten either. I know this makes me out to be a bad person, not loving a baby animal immediately, but I can't help it. Is having one really so bad? Am I a neglectful cat owner if I don't have a friend for Sasha? Does she really even need one? Will Sasha ultimately fall into some sort of kitty depression if I continue to leave her home alone and see her half the day? It's not like I would give the kitten to a pound or anything, I'm a responsible person, I would give him back to the breeder, but I don't know what to tell her if I do decide to give him back. I feel like the world's worst person.

Comments

  • Christie BrownChristie Brown Member Posts: 231
    edited 15 February, 2012
    Don't worry about us thinking you are a terrible person...no judgement here. It sounds like you got the kitten for Sasha. How does Sasha feel about the new kitten? (Though as I typed that I realized 5 days is really too soon to tell. Cats take a long time to warm up to a new friend.) Emily here was an only cat (but only remained one for 6 weeks.) She probably would have been okay remaining an only, but she does love feline companionship. I think most cats do. And don't feel bad about not loving the new kitten. It took us a while to bond with ours. And even if you never have an extra special bond with him, it sounds like you were most concerned with Sasha's needs and added him for Sasha. I guess I don't have any real advice except to consider whether your goal for companionship for Sasha is being met (and again, that could take time to determine.) Good luck.
  • Debra HoffmannDebra Hoffmann RidgewoodMember Posts: 1,174
    edited 16 February, 2012
    Ok, I don't mean to be harsh here, but I'm going to be real with you.... What is it about the new kitten you don't love? We are a multicat household here. Our mom loves all of us in a different way, but she loves us all. She rescued all of us, in one way or another. We were 'chosen' by her, but realistically, we 'chose' her. Several of us here would probably love to be 'only' cats. But we believe, as we watch CK and Princess rough-house on the cat tree or chase each other around that kittens need much interaction and socialization. They are like little fur children, domestic Tigers with all the instincts of wild cats, except in small forms. I would suggest you spend time with the new little kitten...does a mother love any 'child' more than another....or simply in a different way? I will be honest and say if you were asking for an adult cat, who had grown up alone and preferred it, it might be different. But you are still talking about a young cat who in our opinion, needs a friend, and would do better with a friend. Sorry if you wanted us to talk you out of it... That said, if you it's a matter of finacial stress, or you really just aren't going to open your heart to the new little one, then maybe you should rehome them. But we think that would be sad. We hope we haven't made you upset, but we honestly believe that social cats do better with others. all the best, and purrs, The Kew Gardens Cats
  • Sarah RawleeSarah Rawlee Member Posts: 7
    edited 16 February, 2012
    That wasn't harsh at all, and it sums up exactly why I got a second. To do best by Sasha. And I appreciate responses, whatever they are. I can't say why I don't love this kitten yet. Sasha isn't as sweet, and I'm afraid it's a permanent thing. She always seems to be watching her back, which is how she was around my boyfriend's cat, and they knew each other for 6 months. She seemed more annoyed with him than not most of the time. She wouldn't come in the bed with us/me when he was around and immediately would stop purring when he came around. The same thing is happening with this kitten, she won't come wake me up, isn't waiting by the door, etc. I have a small condo, probably 900 sqft, and two seems to crowd the place now in addition to her behavior change. She certainly doesn't mind the kitten, but seems to think he's more of a toy than a friend. She stalks him and tries to chew his tail. I bought one of those toys with the ball in plastic that they paw at to spin around, and that entertained her for hours! I'm now thinking maybe she just needed more interactive toys. I agree that two is better, but don't know about now. In future pet owning will I definitely just get two kittens or litter mates just need to figure out what to do now. It's a complicated decision. I just really don't want two cats, but want what's best for Sasha. I truly appreciate all responses though and it gives me something to think about.
  • Faye DufourFaye Dufour Destrehan, LA/New Orleans areaMember Posts: 4,648
    edited 16 February, 2012
    Bump gave you some good advice. Please realize that it HAS been only five days that the new kitten has been in the house, and it needs to settle in and Sasha needs to get used to it. You would be amazed at how kittens and cats can accept a new family member, and become best friends. As for your not being sure how you feel, again, it can take time. Cats all have different personalities.....rather like humans. Please give the new kitten some more time....remember when you first started your career in nursing...your first position. Certainly you were probably nervous, perhaphs you "watched your back." The kitten is in a strange place, new human, new cat, new smells, etc. Keep us posted......let us know how things are working out. You are doing the right thing in asking of the input of other people who are owned by cats. I have found CATSTER people to be helpful and knowledegable, and always ready to share that knowledge with another "cat person". The New Orleans Kitties
  • Ralphie RandyRalphie Randy Member Posts: 399
    edited 16 February, 2012
    You are not a bad person. But I do think your intentions in adopting a new kitten were a bit misguided and that you need to honestly assess your situation, not just for yourself, but for Sasha and the new kitten too. First erase the "bad person" thoughts from your head, so you don't let misplaced guilt have any effect on your decision. It sounds as if you approached this adoption from a practical and pragmatic point of view, and chose a kitten using the rational side of your brain. That's all very important when choosing a new furry family member, and it's good to do your research and find one who is likely to be compatible with Sasha. But the new addition needs to be compatible with you too, that's just as important. You need to have enough room in your heart to love another creature as much as you love Sasha, and be willing to give as much love, attention, and affection. You mentioned that Sasha seems to see the kitten as a "toy", and it kind of sounds like that was your intention in getting a kitten. But you can't think of the new kitten as a "toy" for Sasha and a burden for yourself. That kind of attitude will result in favoritism and is completely unfair to all of you, most especially the new kitten. The kitten deserves to be allowed to be his own little self and be loved for who he is, and not be expected to exist only to fulfill the needs of someone else. My opinion differs a bit from the other posters on the issue of bonding. I think there is a certain feeling when you "click" with another living creature, and it has nothing to do with how cute or sweet that creature may be or how much you may admire the qualities of that creature. It is something indefinable. I believe that those feelings can and do develop over time, but I don't think there's any guarantee that you will eventually bond with the new kitten, no matter how fabulous he may be. Only you can decide if you feel the potential with this kitten and are willing to give a bond time to develop. If you are truly regretting your decision and feel nothing emotionally for this kitten, I think it would be in everyone's best interest to give him back to the breeder. Don't let Sasha get too used to him and then have him suddenly be gone, as that could cause undue stress for her. The kitten will become less easily adoptable as he gets older, so if you're going to give him back it's best to do it sooner rather than later. I wish you the best.
  • Kimberly BoydKimberly Boyd ErieMember Posts: 58
    edited 20 February, 2012
    I can empathize only because I was in a similar situation. Wallace is 1 year old and we have had him for six months now but the first month we had him was a big struggle and it created a bond that can never be touched, in my opinion. When my friend found him on the side of the road, he weight under 3 lbs (6 months old, mind you) and have severe pneumonia. They got him on medicine for it and he was recovering well when they gave him to us. After he finished his medication, I took him to the vet for a little checkup to see if he was well enough to get the rest of his shots and be neutered. We were all in the clear (except for a little cough attributed to scarring from the pneumonia) and he was neutered that day. Four days after we brought him home from the vet, he was deathly ill. It started with vomiting and passing nothing but clear mucus but it progressed into an awful fever. He wouldn't eat or drink. As soon as the vet opened the next morning, we were in there for an emergency visit. To make a lengthy story short, he was diagnosed with panleukopenia, a virus that kills most kittens. He was put on an IV, given steroids, antibiotics, and two blood transfusions to keep his system strong enough to create an antibody. The vet said she didn't think he'd make it; he started to become very cold and lethargic but he pulled through and this is a long winded way of saying I formed such a strong bond with Wallace, I do not believe anything will ever surpass it. I know that could be awful, but the look on his face when he was in quarantine at the vet's is something I will never forget. After he got well, his energy skyrocketed and he became the playful kitten he was supposed to be. I go to school and work so I felt bad for leaving him home alone so much, especially because he is really such a social kitty. After talking with my fiancee, we decided to find a compatible companion kitten for Wallace. We found Newton, a 7 month old who was described as cuddly, yet very playful. They sounded perfect for each other, and they were within the same age range so we adopted him from the Humane Society. Newton is a wonderful, yet VERY mischievous kitten. He gets into EVERYTHING, much more than Wallace. Wallace is playful, but never destructive. It took me a while to warm up to Newton, as it did Wallace. Now they play with each other (even though oddly, Newton is the more dominant one - I had a hard time with that one) and groom each other daily. One day I walked in to see them curled up in a little ball together sleeping and I knew it was a good match. My point is, no furry family member will EVER take the place of Wallace in my heart and it was hard to find a balance - giving attention to each one without upsetting the other. However, Newton ended up being wonderful for Wallace. I don't worry so much when I'm gone for the majority of the day. For that reason, I DO love Newton very much. He has a great, outgoing personality and he's afraid of nothing. I do get upset when he gets into things but he's quirky; what can I do? :?:)) Give your new kitty a chance. It's okay to get attached to another pet. There are so many types of love, don't compare the feelings you have for Sasha with the feelings you have for your new guy. They will always be different. I do not feel the same way about Newton as I do Wallace, but I love them BOTH very much. Give it some time. I really do think your kitty needs a friend. Sorry for the crazy long rant.:))
  • Kimberly BoydKimberly Boyd ErieMember Posts: 58
    edited 20 February, 2012
    Golly, sorry for all the spelling errors!!!:-/
  • Denise AntleDenise Antle OhioMember Posts: 255
    edited 21 February, 2012
    UCats have complex social life's much as you. Jealousy between everyone involved is not a stretch. Let your Kitty have a chance for a social life. Your cat would never forbid you of one. Just set back and watch you may learn something
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