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How can I regain my cat's love/trust?

I have a 4-month old cat. I loved him. I believe he loved me too; responding to my strokes, insisting to sleep under my desk chair at my feet. But I was so stupid and compulsive to want perfection from him. I tried to force him to sleep in a fixed place, to eat in "manner", and sometimes slapped and shouted at him. Result was obvious. Distance grew and he prefers the boys' room, hunkers when I'm in, till I pass by then he flees the scene. I know he was scared and blaming me. I tried to be nicer, yet he allows me to lift him out of fear I guess. Then came the day when I hit him bad :-( I was all dressed for work when my son tells me V is sleeping in his litter box, I lift him wiped him with a towel he started to wiggle and move all around getting me all covered. I lost it and I hit him bad :-( Glad my kids weren't around. Now he wants nothing to do with me. Never leaves his spot. I carry him to food myself. I betrayed and mistreated him, I regret it so much. Can he trust me again? :-(

Best Answers

  • Cindi LeonardCindi Leonard Plantation, Fla.Member Posts: 1,670
    Accepted Answer
    Cats are not dogs. It will take a few years, just leave him alone and let him warm up to you on his own. You can tempt him with a few SmartBites treats to show him that you are not always a monster, but the damage has been done. He was sleeping in the litter box probably because he was afraid of you. Hopefully you will learn from this grave mistake. Leave litter and food in a place where he knows they will be and then let him be indefinitely; it's NOT his fault. ^_^
  • Kelly BeckerKelly Becker Member Posts: 56
    Accepted Answer
    Never, ever hit an animal. It doesn't work. I am not even sure you should have a pet. But please if you get mad at him count to ten or walk away and take some deep breaths. Animals feel your mood and it will take him time. I accidentally stepped on my cats paw one time, he kept clear for a while but eventually got over it. I still am not sure you should have an animal but if you speak softly to him, share some treats and maybe sit on the floor at his level with some toys and play with him, he may come around. Please manage your anger...animals are innocent creatures that mean no harm. Good Luck.
  • Seraphine KelleySeraphine Kelley Member Posts: 59
    Accepted Answer
    Kitties sleeping in litter boxes is something you see in a shelter, where they are scared and alone. You must recognize that you have created these feelings for your cat in his own home. This is something he may never recover from. My Ghost is 6 years old, he was rehomed to me thru a shelter after his previous owners son "didn't like him" and was "possibly mean". Gost still shows signs of this trauma after living in a safe place for a year, not being keen on being pet in full stroke down his back and cowering his behind if you get anywhere near it. Not to mention his paragliding fear of men's voices. You can attempt to regain your cats trust by laying on the ground in the same room with treats. Be patient and toss one over. Hold your hands out still, for him to sniff and rub (to get to this point may take days or months or never) never initiate the petting, wait patiently for HIM to touch YOU You Must be honest with yourself If you can't do this or feel anger you MUST rehome the cat
  • TwinkleTwinkle BirminghamMember Posts: 11,272 ✭✭✭✭
    Accepted Answer
    You should not have a cat or any other pet. You are an animal abuser. This cat should be taken away from you & you should be behind bars. I hope you don't abuse your children too!!! Do the right thing & try to find a decent home with decent people in it or take this cat to a no-kill shelter.


  • I am going to try not be judgemental as it did take courage to be honest. But it sounds like your not a suitable owner for this kitten. There may be some sort of resentment that your holding onto and reacting when this kitten is involved. I think it is best that you either stay out of his path and have another member of your family look after him or find him more understanding home. Essentially 4 month kitten is a baby and you could be traumatising him with this abuse. He will begin to lose trust not only in you but all humans. Give him a lot of space and if he decides in future to approach you make it a pleasant experience with treats. Please be patient and treat him like you would a defenceless child.
  • Henry ScottHenry Scott Member Posts: 13
    Unlike dogs, cats don't need physical reinforcement like a smack here and there. Example, one of my cats as a kitten liked to unravel the bathroom tissue. I took her to the pile of tissue, yelled at her in my angry voice and took the tissue and rubbed her nose and face in it and yelled some more. Then let her run to her box house. She never bothered the tissue again. When he was sleeping in the litter box that was his safe place, you took that away when you removed him to clean him and then abused him because you decided not to leave him be until later when you could have put on yard clothes. Get him a cat box, or just a cardboard box twice his size and turn it upside down and cut a door in it. Put blankets in it and feed him in it for at least 7 days. This will become his castle and safe place. No matter how upset you are, you and the kids need to respect his space and never remove him from the box. You can entice him to come out, but never go in after him.
  • Caitlin KyleCaitlin Kyle Member Posts: 3
    I'm trying to say this as politely as possible...but wtf mate? It's going to take a while for that cat to trust you again. How would you act towards someone way bigger than you treated you the way you treated that cat? I imagine you would be very weary of the person. Be realistic...I'm not trying to make you feel worse than you already feel, but what make you get that excessive? What will happen if that cat starts to come around again and he does something you don't are you going to handle your anger? I apologize again, but that just strikes a nerve with me. Yes, I spank my cat's (Thomas, he's 4 months) butt if he is being too rough with our other two older cats (Aries,8 and Odtis,6), or my four year old son, Blaine, and when he begs for people food. But it's just one simple spank and THAT is a last resort. It seems like you need to learn how to use your words.
  • D MillerD Miller Member Posts: 1
    You don't need pets or children, you need therapy!! What do you think you are teaching your children? How to abuse defenseless animals.? They say animals are great judges of human character. Take your cats opinion to heart and get some help now!! Unresolved issues much????
  • Isabelle theriaultIsabelle theriault MonctonMember Posts: 5
    this cat will proably not forget this, it's a horrible gesture, why would you take out rage on an innocent cat in my opignion you should find this cat a safe home and get rid of him asap, and not own any other animals, ever. cat's dont deserve this kind of abuse, if you don't do it on purpous and you love the cat then for it's sake get him into a safe enviorment. you cannot hit a cat.. it's not big enough to substain your hits. do something before you kill this poor innocent cat.
  • Cat LoverCat Lover Member Posts: 2
    I can't believe what I just read. This is horrifying and you should be ashamed of yourself!. How could you hit a little baby kitty for no reason at all? I hope you fking rot in h3ll while satin beats your azs with a tire iron and sticks pins in your eyes. The poor thing was scared enough of you to sleep in his own waste, and you went and hit him even harder for it. You're a monster and I hope somebody takes your children away from you before they turn out the same. That cat is smart to try and hide from you, you are nothing but a disgushting piece of shut, and you should be s hot in the head. BUT, at least you have enough decency to regret it. If you have any nice bones in that big mass of hateful, evil, waste of life that you call your body, I suggest you take him to a no keel shelter, so he might actually find a good family who will love and protect him. Don't bother trying to get his forgiveness, you've already done enough damage, and you sure as h3ll don't deserve his love.
  • Patrick MickeyPatrick Mickey Member Posts: 1
    Hi, I stumbled across this and with the answers given it sounds like you should just rehome this cat and get a new one because he's "ruined" as far as working out with you. I don't buy it. Cats aren't very smart, but they are lovable, and they LOVE good food and play. I was brushing a cat who launched a sudden and violent attack on me and in that split second I clobbered him on the head with a brush. I felt bad; it was a bad reaction, and he acted afraid of me. Took a few days to get him to like me again because I brought his favorite foods to him, which he hesitantly ate, and I played games with him that he found irresistible. It won't take years, cats don't have that kind of memory; just don't scare him anymore and give him treats and play. My cat went from deathly afraid to following me around the house, and I am much more careful when I brush him :)
  • Jeff BusbyJeff Busby Member Posts: 1
    I want to take this opportunity to commend you for actually caring whether or not your cat trust you ever again ... I am also somewhat in this boat all though my cat simply refuses to show me affection and sleeps away from me, but he does still occasionally want to sit in my lap and he does crave belly rubs. I feel I should also say , Absolute shame on you people trying to make this person feel bad about being a human being and not understanding how to respond to his cats behavior ... You know what not all people are born in full control of their emotions and first time pet owners probably have a little trouble with their first pets. Lashing out at your animal for miss behaving may not be the best way to handle it but you live and learn ... I have also learned not to get angry at my cat gizmo for his undesired behaviors, and I believe that he will fully trust me again overtime , as will yours if you treat it right from now on. Shame on you "perfect" judgemental people... Shame
  • nkhdancernkhdancer Member Posts: 1
    It’s been 5 years since you posted this. 
    I just and across it. 
    My hope is that 5 years ago you took pity on your traumatized kitten and rehomed him. 
    And you did not love him. We do not abuse helpless creatures that we love. 

  • RandomieRandomie Member Posts: 1
    It’s 2018 and after reading your post I am absolutely disgusted. You deserve nothing but to be gruesomely tortured by demons. I hope you are having fun rotting in h*ll, while everyone else enjoys seeing your life painfully drain little by little. I hope the kitty and your children are far away from the monster you are. If you are still alive, we want you to know that you are absolutely a piece of **** and you deserve nothing in this world. You will never earn the love and respect from ANYTHING, ever again. Mistakes such as this can NOT be reversed. Although you regret what you did, you should be forever ashamed about what you have done, no excuses. This is your consequence, thus embrace it.
  • SuperkittySuperkitty Member Posts: 1
    I just came across those comments and i can't believe it. You peoples are maniacs and honestly scary. This is clearly an condamnable act and i'm totally against any sort of abuse but how in the world can you wish death on someone who's clearly admitting their fault and asking for forgiveness ? The **** are you to judge people like that ? You sounds like some ridiculous crazy people and I hope you will find peace and forgiveness in your heart rather then spreading some unnecessary hate. How does it feel to be perfect by the way ? I'm sure you all are good people right? never made a mistake right ? you make me sick
  • ElryfElryf Member Posts: 1
    It's 2019 and I also spanked my kitten if she was naughty (although not very hard). I regained my kitten's trust within 1 to 3 hours becauae she still sleeps next to me and purrs when I give her a belly rub. Sure she still runs away from me sometimes but that's mostly because I'm a heavy person so my footsteps are loud and she's a bit crazy sometimes. Do I still love her? Yes. Do I regret spanking her? Ofcourse. Though that doesn't mean I should be judged by you perfect stuck up ****
  • felixheliumfelixhelium Member Posts: 1
    Sorry to all of you but you people are pieces of ****. Sounds like animals try to defend animals. If she's regret for her act, then judging her just show how monsters you people are. I own a kitten, she made mistake, i teach her to do it right, shout if it needs. I love my kitten but that doesn't mean she is the same as me. She is a cat and i'm her human owner. Know your ****ing place people. 
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