Who Knows A Cat Joke?

D JD J Vancouver IslandMember Posts: 195 ✭✭
edited 16 January, 2006 in Other Meows & Purrs
I'll start... Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? She had mittens! MOL *rolling around in laughter* Who's next???

Comments

  • Tabitha Smith-ElliottTabitha Smith-Elliott Gainesville/Hall County, GAMember Posts: 11,582
    edited 27 February, 2006
    MOL!! I havent a joke, but thought I'd say - great idea for a new thread!
  • Annette RuggieroAnnette Ruggiero Palm CoastMember Posts: 208
    edited 27 February, 2006
    Difference Between A Cat And A Dog: A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!
  • D JD J Vancouver IslandMember Posts: 195 ✭✭
    edited 27 February, 2006
    MOL Ricky... Just more proof that cats really are smarter than dogs : ) Q: Why were the kittens shivering? A: It was catnippy outside. (Thanks for posting Magic)
  • Anita PorpoiseAnita Porpoise Member Posts: 216
    edited 27 February, 2006
    Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?" The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart stillyearns?" Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: "The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension. Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold Cinderella said, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother". The fairy godmother replied "it is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?" Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young? and full of the beauty and youth I once had." At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years. And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?" Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man." Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen. The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life. With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared. For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen. Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered.......... "Bet you're sorry you neutered me." __________________
  • Anita PorpoiseAnita Porpoise Member Posts: 216
    edited 27 February, 2006
    There was a fly hovering 12” above the water A fish in the water was watching the fly and thinking “If that fly drops 6” I can jump up and eat it”. So he continued to watch the fly On shore was a bear watching the fly. He was thinking, “If that fly drops 6”, that fish will jump up and eat it and I can grab the fish”. So he continued to watch the fly. Off in the brush was a hunter. The hunter was watching the bear while he was eating his lunch. He was thinking, “If that fly drops 6”, the fish will jump up for the fly and that bear will go for that fish, then I will have a clear shot to shoot the bear”. So he continued to watch the fly. Off in the brush was also a mouse. The mouse was thinking, “If that fly drops 6”, that fish will jump for it, then that bear will go for the fish and that hunter will put down his sandwich and go after that bear and I can grab his sandwich. So he continued to watch the fly. Up in a tree was a cat. The cat was watching and got to thinking, “If that fly drops 6”, that fish will jump to catch the fly, that bear will go to catch the fish, that hunter will go to shoot that bear, then that mouse will run for the hunter’s lunch and I can jump and catch that mouse”. So, he continued to watch the fly. After a while the fly dropped 6” The fish jumped to catch the fly and missed it, The bear went after the fish and missed it, the hunter dropped his sandwich and shot at the bear, but missed it. The mouse grabbed the sandwich so fast and ran away, The cat jumped for the mouse but missed it and landed in the water. The moral of this story......... If a fly drops 6” a pussy’s gonna get wet! MEOW!
  • Annette RuggieroAnnette Ruggiero Palm CoastMember Posts: 208
    edited 27 February, 2006
    Here\'s some more: Top Ten Things A Cat Thinks About... 1. I could have sworn I heard a can opener. 2. Is there something I\'m not getting when humans make noise with their mouths? 3. Why doesn\'t the government do something about dogs? 4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives? 5. Hmmmm.... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can\'t we ever get those STUPID dogs to do anything for us? 6. This looks like a good spot for a nap. 7. Hey - no kidding, I\'m sure that\'s the can opener. 8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilisation of their own if we cats hadn\'t given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place. 9. If there\'s a God, how can He allow neutering? 10. If that really was the can opener, I\'ll play finicky just to let THEM know who\'s boss !!
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