An adoption, but a not so happy ending

Pamela HaneyPamela Haney Old ForgeMember Posts: 893
Alex was the foster kitten we have had for almost a month now. We medicated him and got him over the cold he had and we loved him and cared for him. when we took him in we said right from the beginning that he was not going to stay. We were only going to foster him until we could find him a new home. Well I found a local family who wanted a kitty and they took alex. They are so nice and kind people and they loved him right from the start. I know they will take good care of him and they said we we definitely keep in touch. So knowing that I cared for Alex and found him a furever home, why do I feel so devestated now that he is gone?? I just keep crying. I want my baby back. I miss him terribly. I miss hearing his jingle bell collar as he runs down the hall in the middle of the night. Pants keep meowing and looking for him. I miss his cuddling up with me at night. I ache so much. I would love to call these people up and tell them to give me my Alex back but I can't do that. That would be terrible. How did I get so attached to him in 4 weeks? I already have 4 cats and my landlord would kill me if he knew I took a 5th. I knew from the beginning that we could not keep him forever, but now I feel heartbroken that I don;t hearthat tiny squeak of a meow greeting me as I come through the door. I can't bear to look at his pictures because I just keep bawling. I wonder if I did the right thing. Does he miss us? Does he think we abandoned him? Am I nuts? Is this normal? Do other people who foster cats feel this way too? I miss my baby. I just want my baby Alex to come home.

Comments

  • Annalisa Conserti-JonesAnnalisa Conserti-Jones Member Posts: 5,234
    edited 16 September, 2009
    You did a good thing. Alex is young, and so as long as his new people love him, he will stop wondering where his old people are eventually. I cried for my foster mom and my momma cat for the first night at home with mom, but dad and I quickly formed a bond when he picked me up from being stuck between the living room window and the furniture (dad said I was looking for a way back to foster mom that night) and he put me on the bed with him and mom. I spent the night staring at him and mom, and in the morning, I got a little over from being scared in the night. Mom kept talking to me and loving on me, and eventually I got the idea that my mom and dad were my people. If Alex's family is half as committed as mom and dad were to making me a happy kitty, he will be okay. As for you, of course you got attached to Alex: we kitties are charmers, and Alex sounds like he was no exception. Maybe visiting him at his new home and seeing him happily live there may put your heart at ease a little bit. You did a good thing, even though it was not an easy task. I hope the former consoles you about the latter.
  • Grace McLeanGrace McLean Member Posts: 406
    edited 16 September, 2009
    This is exactly why my Mommy does not foster. She would end up keeping every cat! You did a great thing, and you are a much braver and better foster than my mom could ever be! I came from a foster home too, and the foster mom did not publicize my availability for almost a year because she loved me so and did not want to part with me. Now I have a great home and I am very happy.
  • joy wampolejoy wampole Member Posts: 626
    edited 16 September, 2009
    The first foster I ever took in and adopted, I mourned for a week! But, I knew there were many more that needed help. One thing that helped is the people who adopted him kept in contact with me and let me know all the silly things he did and how happy he was! When I had to go out of town for a week and still had 3 other fosters I was taking care of I knew they were such great peaople I had them take care of my fosters for me until I came back. Maybe the best thing you can do right now is open you home up to another foster kitty? There are so many out there right nowthat need help and you would be saving another life! Trust me, it does get easier! If you can help even one kitty at a time until they can find their furrever homes you are doing a great thing! Purrs to you, Sophie and family
  • Rita PattersonRita Patterson Ohio (Hockinghills)Member Posts: 9
    edited 16 September, 2009
    Theres a special place in heaven for people like you. Go visit him. If things feel good when you do then you will get better sooner. If things don't then bring him back and tell your LandLord that one more kitty won't make any difference at all and cross your fingers that he'l buy it. lol *Big Hugs* going your way Sweetie for being such a warm hearted and caring person. |:|
  • Kelly HendryKelly Hendry Charlottesville, VAMember Posts: 556
    edited 16 September, 2009
    We got Sam from a foster family....it was their first foster and I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for them. Apparently his foster Dad got pretty attached to him and didn't want to give him up. But we are so incredibly grateful to them. They were his first real family and taught him to trust and to do cute things like beg for treats. They found him on the street, took him in, got him cleaned up and neutered, and found our family for him. The gift that they gave both Sam and us is an incredible one, and even if he can't fully appreciate it (he is after all a cat) I appreciate them for it. Its been over a year and we still email them pictures and stories every few months. I'm sure you could ask Alex's new family to do the same. After all, we all love to tell people about our kitties : ) The point of my rambling is that, from the prospective of a Mom who adopted from a foster, we are so grateful to foster families and all the wonderful work they do. I'm sure Alex will miss you for awhile (it took Sam a month to snuggle with me the way he did with his other Mommy) but you have given him and his new parents a chance to have a wonderful life together and that is such an amazing gift. Incidentally, it turns out that Sam's foster parents both have brothers named Sam (I had no idea when I named him) and they have been able to foster two stray dogs in the year since Sam left.
  • Ashley NollenAshley Nollen RichmondMember Posts: 333
    edited 16 September, 2009
    Crying is so normal for foster mammas. Its just goes with the terroritory. I think it gets easier with time.... but every now and then one comes along that really tugs your heart strings and you end up bawling all over again. Its tough. But allowing a foster to go to new family opens up space in your house for your mental sanity (which is very important) or for another foster kitty who will really need your help. |:|
  • Pamela HaneyPamela Haney Old ForgeMember Posts: 893
    edited 16 September, 2009
    Thanks everycat for your support and encouragement. I felt so silly for a while for being so attached to Alex since I knew he was leaving anyway, but I just couldn't help it. I'm glad to know it is somewhat normal. Alex was, in fact, our first ever foster cat so I guess maybe the first one is the most difficult to deal with. I feel much better today. I still miss him, but I am not so torn up over letting him go. In the end I know I did the right thing. :) |:|
  • joy wampolejoy wampole Member Posts: 626
    edited 16 September, 2009
    Hi Winter!:-h I didn't know it was you who fostered Alexander! There are ALWAYS certain ones that steal our hearts,but please don't let that stop you from helping more in the future. There's so many that will die without the help of big hearted caring fosters like yourself. We need more fosters desperatly, so that we can get to our furever homes and not be PTS. Purring for more foster homes. |:|Sophie, Charlita, and family|:|
  • Abigail ByersAbigail Byers Member Posts: 77
    edited 16 September, 2009
    I've had to give away soooo many kitties that I know how you feel. What can be worse than knowing someone else is enjoying your luff? It's just as bad as losing the cat that slept on your pillow right next to you for a year and a half to an aggressive dog that chewed him up one morning. I felt so guilty. It's been over a month and I still cry knowing I could have done something about it. I feel like it'e my fault. I put the jingle bell collar on him. If he didn't have it, Ace wouldn't have heard him and Kovu would still be here with me right now. I rescued a flea-bitten kitten a week later from a Wal-Mart parking lot. She was so scared and small. She was still learning to eat and she couldn't drink anything from a bowl (meaning she was still nursing before she arrived there). It looked like she was fixing to die because when I picked her up, she'd let her head dangle and rest on my hand. I took her home, bathed her (flea bath- three times to get them off), fed her, clothed her (heehee), and let her sleep in my bed (under the covers, of course, where she wanted to be), and played with her. Now she's the most hyper kitten I've ever met. I'm getting he spayed and getting her shots for christmas. I love her to death, but she still hasn't filled that void in my heart that Kovu was had. Of course, she found a new place in my heart. It's not the same, though. I miss Kovu's meows and waking up to the rattling of my doorknob as he tried to open it with his mouth. Lol.
  • DONNA KELLY-BIRCHDONNA KELLY-BIRCH kenoshaMember Posts: 1,018
    edited 16 September, 2009
    I second what Wolfie said. I have fostered about 150 kitties now, and I am mostly over letting them go. But a special one does come along sometimes that is hard to give up. I just had three that were born in my house that had CH and I really wanted to keep one of them. The first brother went, and I was sad, but I still had the other two. Then it happened - I wasn\'t at Petco this Sunday and someone wanted to adopt the two together. Well, I ran to Petco with my heart in my throat because my boys were getting adopted. They were 4 1/2 mos. old already and I was very attached to them. Part of me just wanted to lie and tell the lady I changed my mind about adopting them, but I knew I had to let them go. I came home with such an empty feeling in my heart, and the house hasn\'t been the same the past 4 days. I was very crabby on Sun. and Mon. at work, but I am better today. The lady did e-mail me already about how they are doing, and I guess they are fine. So it does get easier with time and with the more you foster. I already kept 3 of my fosters since I started doing this, so that helps knowing I have made my picks of special ones already. But of course I want more. Don\'t give up on fostering - it does get easier and you are doing a wonderful thing for an animal as well as the people who eventually adopt that animal.
  • Cathy HCathy H Member Posts: 8,423
    edited 16 September, 2009
    I second the other cats that said it gets easier with time. It's true. :D I think it's the best thing ever to know that someone else is feeling the same joy that the foster brought to my life, and that the foster gets to enjoy a loving life thanks to the pit stop it took at my house! |$|
  • Lotte VehkoLotte Vehko Austin, TXMember Posts: 5
    edited 16 September, 2009
    Dear Alexander\'s Foster Mom -- I think it is *absolutely* normal to feel a sense of loss when adopting out a kitten you\'ve gotten attached to. I worry about people who *don\'t* feel that way! Think of it like this: people like you are the ones who make *sure* that their kittens go to the best possible homes. Yes, you pay the price in grief after they\'ve been adopted, but that tender-heartedness is also what makes you such great benefactors to the Cat Nation. It\'s a double-edged sword, but would you want to be any other way? I agree with the poster who suggested visiting, if it\'s possible -- but wait a little while. I predict that the magic of time will dull the really sharp edge of the pain, and seeing Alexander happy and healthy in his new home will mend whatever is left. Cheers and head-butts, Minerva
  • Pamela HaneyPamela Haney Old ForgeMember Posts: 893
    edited 16 September, 2009
    Alex's new mommy just emailed me and said she can't keep Alexander anymore. I'm not sure if I am sad or not. I miss him so much. Could this be fate? Could it be a sign that he is supposed to be with us? I have not called his new family yet because I did not want to seem pushy or over bearing and out of the blue she emailed me. Is 5 cats too many? I just don't know how to feel. I am thrilled at the prospect of seeing him again but I feel selfish because my poor baby Alex is going back and forth. |:|
  • joy wampolejoy wampole Member Posts: 626
    edited 16 September, 2009
    I am so sorry the adoptive home did not work out for little Alex, You were probably just getting over your feelings of letting him go and now this.....:? I hope everything turns out o.k. Purrs, Sophie and Charlita
  • Pamela FerrisPamela Ferris RoanokeMember Posts: 150
    edited 16 September, 2009
    Stephen and I were mommy's first fosters...and well...we are stil here! Mommy did send back our mom and three sisters. Since mom is an adoption counsler at the SPCA, she personally got to meet the families that took each one. Mommy really didn't want to keep any of us when we came in - but when Stephen attached himself to her, she realized the hole in the house since Amicae passed away...so she kept both of us because she couldn't decide, that and it would all Smitty to have some peace! Mommy is planning on fostering over Christmas, and WILL NOT be keeping any. Mommy does not want to add to our family at this time and knows sending them back is the right thing to do so they can get ALLL the attention they deserve. Our cat-mom was the perfect example of that...once mommy took her back to be adopted, she was adopted and returned (the new family's kitty hated her), and then the most perfect family ever walked in a few days later. They were older, had recently lost their cat of 17 years and mommy introduced them...it was love at first purrr. The next week they called to say how happy they were - she was sleeping in bed with them and they have decided to not get another cat because she is all they could ever want. Our mommy was really happy, she loved our kitty mom but knows she is getting the life she truely deserves with her new family. Our mommy didn't cry when mom or sisters went back, but she does see foster parents cry alot. Mommy even sees people who help overnight on rescue transport cry...somemight say that is a little strange because they usually have the animals less than 12 hours. Mommy gets through by thinking of our kitty mom being spoiled rotten, our sisters with their little girls (they were each adopted by young girls) and the little princesses they must be. she only thinks the good thoughts and then hugs us. Remember one thing - you are able to help many more by opening your home for period than when you always try to open your home for a lifetime. Best of luck! *Jamin*
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